She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
