No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
