this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
