I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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