I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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