let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
