Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
