Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
