He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Of course I have a pirate flag
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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