Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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