Sry I called you an 8
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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