Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
