I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
