The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
