She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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