There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
