just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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