I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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