I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
