I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
