She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
