i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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