Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
wow bdsm is so cute
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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