if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
