last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
