I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
