We won't sleep together?
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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