Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
