You just made me feel so damn special
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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