a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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