JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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