i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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