Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
