I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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