If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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