i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
