I want to make a zoo with you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
