Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
