i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
