We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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