New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
