Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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