I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
