Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
