the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
