Sry I called you an 8
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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