I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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