You just made me feel so damn special
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
