your thong is hanging out like whoa
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
