Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
