i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
