gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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