remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
