Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize