I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
