If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
