I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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