the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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