So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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