whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
