If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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