We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize