so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
3pm strippers are depressing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
