what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize