the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
