Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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