You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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