His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
