Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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