I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
