I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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